UNIVERSITY OF YORK 0 – 65 DURHAM UNIVERSITY

York’s rugby seconds suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of Durham in their third game of the season.

The home side came up against a strong and well organised Durham team with the match finishing at 0-65. Top of the league Durham began well and scored their first try within minutes. After York tried to push into the Durham half the away team intercepted and the attacking player was able to run straight to the tryline. The visitors then easily scored the conversion.

York kicked off again and almost immediately found themselves two tries behind as Durham broke through with the try-scorer making a superb run.

Despite missing the conversion Durham continued to pile on the pressure. Some better play allowed York to push their way into the Durham half. However a mistimed pass led to a Durham interception and the away number 9 broke through to get the try.

Durham then converted to make the score 0-19. After a promising break on the right Durham were quick to regain possession and kicked the ball into the right side of York’s half.

The opposing number 19 then sprinted through and was able to add another try to Durham’s tally after some poor tackling. The away side then took the points from the conversion on the half time whistle.

After the break things turned from bad to worse for York. Only minutes after the restart Durham pushed through to score their fifth try of the day before making the conversion.

Durham soon sliced through the defence again but this time missed a much tougher kick for the conversion. It wasn’t long before an away back made a run down the left wing which again resulted in a try.

The visitors then hit the post with the conversion. The home team briefly put some pressure on the Durham defence. York’s progress was quickly reversed though when Durham intercepted a pass and the away back sprinted to the tryline to make it 0-48.

The visitors then scored a longer conversion to hit the 50 mark. Jake Deppe set up a great chance for York when he kicked the ball out on the left to force a line out close to the away tryline.

However York were caught out as an away back advanced up the field where a visiting forward was able to finish off the try. After the away side missed the kick York tried to attack again but made the same mistake.

A poor line out led to the visitors manoeuvring their way up the pitch to score their tenth try of the match. Of little compensation to York was that Durham missed the conversion. York tried one last attack but Durham easily regained possession.

The visitors then played the ball across from left to right culminating in their final try of the game. While the conversion was wasted the visitors still walked away clear winners.

After the game York Captain Jack Eastwood said, “We were playing against a very strong third team. The result was unfortunate but we will be looking forward to playing Durham again. They are an excellent side but we played some good rugby.”

York Team: Fiifi Botchway, Joe Turner, Rob Golding, Sam Carr-Archer, Harry Pampiglione, Jonny Robertson, Matt Thorpe, Jack Eastwood (Captain), Tom Finnerty, Jake Deppe, Baz Bhavich, Alex Summers, Conan Osbourne, Aaron Rolph, Fergus McCallister. Subs: Stuart Duncan, Ed Kemp, Rich Rhodes, Harry Illes, Luke Cuanan, James Ramm, Ian Packard

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UNIVERSITY OF YORK 17-20 LEEDS METROPOLITAN CARNEGIE SECONDS

A superb comeback from Leeds Metropolitan seconds earned them the points on 22 Acres today and ended York’s unbeaten start to the season. A great start had seen the White Rose go 17-0 up but the visitors stormed back into the match and a late penalty from fly-half Ross McIntosh sealed a 20-17 victory.

York were first to strike with stand-in scrum half Will Peters going over the try line. Peters, deputising for the injured Will Ward, went over from close range to make it 5-0. Fly Half Tomasz Chadwick added the extras to put the hosts 7-0 up.

It was soon 12-0 and and it was captain James Faktor with the points. An up-and-under bounced favourably for York and second-row Sam Lord did extremely well to pick up, his pass was measured to perfection, finding Faktor who did the rest.

York were playing some superb rugby and coach Kerry Wood was impressed with what he was seeing. Every aspect of their play was impressive and the visitors appeared rattled. One area of particular domination was the pack and the big men did their stuff to earn York another score, a catch and drive lineout seeing Campbell Paton rumble over the whitewash.

At 17-0 York were well in control but just before half-time the away side began to get back into the contest. A spell of exerted pressure meant Faktor’s side were on the back-foot and scrum-half Ollie Simcox went over to make it 17-7 at the break and slightly change both side’s team talks.

The second half started as the first finished with Leeds Met on top. York’s superb start had hit the buffers and it was the visitors who were growing in confidence. 17-7 became 17-12 as Matt Marskell demonstrated some strong running to go over in the corner and not long after things were all square.

This time it was Matt Keen who went over and on this occasion York were the authors of their own demise. A kick over the top fell to winger Ben Turner but his pass inside was intercepted by Keen and he just had enough pace to touch down. The subsequent conversion was missed leaving the game brilliantly poised at 17-17.

York went on the offensive looking for the win but Leeds Met threatened as well. It was the away side who edged in front, McIntosh knocking over to make it 20-17. The last ten minutes were all about York trying to get ahead but, barring a penalty that was kicked to the corner, there were few clear-cut opportunities to make the match theirs.

The game ended with Leeds Met still ahead and with it went York’s 100% record this season. The home side had started so well but they couldn’t maintain their dominance and Leeds Met displayed why they are one of the best sporting universities in the country.

Captain James Faktor was unsurprisingly disappointed to lose but couldn’t blame his players for their effort: “We came in at half-time and Woody (Coach Kerry Wood) and I were saying we had been pretty much faultless. After that we couldn’t pick anything else up, it was perhaps a touch of complacency on our part. We took our foot off the gas but they were quality outside as well, we tend to deal very well with big sides who hit us hard up-front but they were impressive in the backs.”

With hindsight the late penalty could have been used as an avenue to kick at goal, level the scores and go again but Faktor explained the thinking behind kicking for touch: “Two of our tries had come from drives, we were confident we could do it again but they stood firm. The kick was no gimme either, and the last one hadn’t gone so well. I spoke to Tomasz and he said ‘let’s go for the corner’. It was always going to be a risky call.

“Credit to them though, their defence really held up. We’ll get back on the training pitch, keep working and hopefully we’ll come back stronger.”

George Wissen, Gregor Morris, Fraser Kirkly, Jordan Huey-Abbott, Sam Lord, Adam Gaskill, Sam Morrison, James Faktor, Will Peters, Tomasz Chadwick, Gabriel Adebiyi, Matt Pollen, Will Sharp, Ben Turner, Richard Bremner.

Subs: Greg Walsh, Campbell Paton, James Arnold, Tim Ross, Hugo Watson, Matt Darroch

Try: Paton, Peters, Faktor

Cons: Chadwick

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The last time the rugby teams of York and Lancaster went up against each other they did so in front of a crowd of 3,000 people as part of a thrilling Friday night of Roses. When they kicked off yesterday, watched by approximately thirty people, the game had a very different feel to it – a point underlined by the fact that running the line was Will Sharp’s dad, persuaded to help out just as the whistle was being blown.

Nevertheless the result was the same with York putting in a fine second-half display to overpower their opponents and win comfortably 29-13.

It was the visitors, no longer sporting their let’s-all-look-ridiculous-together bleached blonde hair, who started the strongest, enjoying much of the possession and the territory with York struggling to grab a foothold in the game. Their cause was not helped by the referee who failed to endear himself to the York faithful throughout the match, often blowing up for penalties that the White Rose was less than impressed about.

Lancaster went ahead via the boot of Luke Flanagan, converting his second attempt at a penalty. The referee then risked the wrath of the home side even further, sin-binning centre Matt Pollen and reducing the hosts to 14 men. Flanagan doubled his side’s lead soon after, dropping a goal to make it 6-0.

Captain James Faktor’s side stood firm despite being a man down and after a Lancaster player joined Pollen in the bin for hands in the ruck the hosts struck back with a superb score. Gabriel Adebiyi received the ball near his own try line, put on a demonstration of his lightning pace before releasing flanker Adam Gaskell who impressed with gas of his own to touch down and reduce the away side’s lead to just one point.

Another drop goal, this time from York’s Will Peters, put the hosts ahead but Lancaster came back strong and went into the lead ahead through prop and captain Wilf Whittle. The big man showed an impressive turn of pace, allied with some more evident strength, to barrel over from just inside the 22 and when the extras were added Lancaster were up 13-8 at half-time.

The first forty minutes had been Lancaster’s, in truth, but after the interval it was all about York. Their first of three tries in the second period did come thanks to a slice of luck but once it had been scored York looked resolute and offered no avenue back for the away side.

A high kick bounced fortuitously for York and, after some great work by Matt Pollen, winger Ben Turner went over for the try. Fresher Tomasz Chadwick, who looks an impressive addition to the side, added an impressive conversion from the touchline. The next ten minutes were all York, but Lancaster defended bravely and stood firm, keeping the score at 15-13 to the White Rose.

The game then took a twist and once again it was at the behest of the referee, sin-binning York’s captain James Faktor. A player down and with just a two-point lead the pressure was on York but they were hard-working and professional and didn’t look like conceding in the ten minutes that they played with 14.

The game was wrapped up in the last ten minutes in impressive fashion. Firstly a great break by the powerful Greg Walsh set up scrum-half Will Ward who went over for five more points before some more impressive work by Pollen saw full-back Richard Bremner cross the whitewash to seal the game.

New captain James Faktor was pleased with his side’s performance, their second victory in two games: “I’m pleased with the second win on the bounce. I told the players to forget about Roses, this game was all about getting points on the board for our promotion push.

“The Freshers did well, we haven’t clicked yet but we’re always improving. It’s a pattern we often see, teams hitting us hard early on before our fitness, tactics and hands see us fight back in the second half. We have a great chance of going up, the quality of Freshers is very high, some third years said the trial was the best they’ve ever seen.”

York’s starting XV
1. Rishi Naidoo

2. Gregor Morris

3. Fraser Campbell

4. Jordan Huey Abbott

5. Sam Lord

6. Adam Gaskell

7. Sam Morrison

8. James Faktor (c)

9. Will Ward

10. Will Peters

11. Gabriel Adebiyi

12. Matt Pollen

13. Will Sharp

14. Ben Turner

15. Richard Bremner

16.  Campbell Paton

17.  Greg Walsh

18. James Arnold

19.  Tom Chadwick

20.  Hugo Watson

21.  Matthew Darroch

Try: Bremner, Gaskell, Ward, Turner

Cons: Peters, Chadwick (2)

Drop Goal: Peters

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University of York 1st XV 23 vs 8 University of Hull 1st XV

UYRUFC opened their season with a solid performance against a strong Hull outfit. The 1st XV notched a deserved away victory at Brantingham Park, the final score standing at 8 – 23 in York’s favour. Lining up against a substantial Hull squad, it was clear that the game would be a physical affair. Hull opened the scoring in the first 10 minutes with a penalty to take the lead at 3-0. York swiftly responded with a well worked try by outside centre Will Sharp, breaking through the defensive line to get York on the scoreboard, Will Peters was able to convert, the score remaining 3-7.

York continued to apply pressure, dominating possession and territory, resulting in their second try which was carried over by open side flanker Sam Morrison who was rewarded with his first BUCS try, increasing York’s advantage to 9 points, at 3-12. He then proceeded to put 3 more points on the board with a penalty, making the score 3-15 after the break. York’s dominance continued into the second half, with the large Hull squad beginning to tire and the difference in the respective squads’ fitness levels quickly becoming more apparent. Against the run of play Hull exploited a gap on the outside with their winger scoring a try which they failed to convert, making the score 8-15. Scrum Half Will Ward managed to capitalise on the pressure being applied by York and increased their lead once again, his try remained unconverted however, making it 8-20 in York’s favour. Fly Half Will Peters made the score 8-23 with a well-executed drop-goal which proved to be the last score of the match.

Overall York can be proud of the result and a solid start to the season against a big Hull squad, there was undoubtedly room for improvement but it was a performance which showed great promise for the rest of the season.

Team:
1. R. Naidoo
2. G. Morris
3. G. Wissen
4. S. lord
5. J. Abbott
6. A. Gaskell
7. S. Morrison
8. J. Faktor (c)
9. W. Ward
10. W. Peters
11. G. Adebiyi
12. M.Pollen
13. W. Sharp
14. B. Turner
15. R. Bremner
16. F. Kirkley
17. J. Arnold
18. H. Draycott
19. M. Darroch
20. T. Chadwick
21. A. Rolph
Try: Sharpy, Morrison, Ward
Pen: Peters
Cons: Peters
Drop Goal: Peters

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The second and last of York’s warm up games before Roses saw them travel south to take on Bradford Salem. A warm day promised perfect conditions for running rugby, which would certainly play to York’s strengths against a predominantly older and slower Bradford Salem side. The late arrival of a, special guest, complete with wifebeater, bolstered the York pack and allowed Rupert Grant to start on the bench, so not risk his calf injury. The absence of a referee meant that one of the Bradford Salem players had to take his place, not ideal but York were ready to deal with the adversity.

The game started with Bradford kicking to York. Tom Weir pounced on a dropped ball and a strong backline move advanced York 40m up the pitch, despite a late hit on William Felgate, laying down their intentions for the rest of the match. York continually looked to run the ball and play positive rugby and after about ten minutes this resulted in Sam Morrison streaking down the wing to score under the posts, Robert Grant duly added the conversion. The rugby was all with York and only a lack of accuracy with some of their passing meant they didn’t add more points straight after. However they did not have to wait too long as good pressure from the York forwards resulted in Ash Alexander burying his way over, again Grant with the conversion. Great work at the breakdown by Alistair Handy and Alex Redshaw saw York gaining the majority of the possession giving the likes of Michael James and Felgate a platform to perform. A sliced clearance by Bradford and a wayward lineout throw meant Morrison collected the ball to power over for his second score under the posts, Grant added the extras.

York continued to test the Bradford defence making a number of breaks, a flowing move involving T. Bugge and M. James saw Rich Bremner put through into space (whilst performing his trademark move) which he then exploited to run away untouched to score York’s fourth try, Grant once again scored the conversion. A fine first half performance from York was finished off by Michael James as he broke through the Bradford defence with a well chosen back-line move to score just before the break. However the try was largely overshadowed by the punch suffered by Robert Grant as he jogged over to take his place kick, leaving M. James to put the 2 points up on the board. York refused to lower themselves to the level of their opposition and headed into the interval with their discipline intact.

Half time changes saw Rory Mcgregor on for Ash Alexander, Ollie Tilney on for William Felgate, Alistair Handy off for Rupert Grant and Ed Drewett on for Rob Grant. York started the second half as they had left the off from the first, dominating Bradford at the scrum and breakdown with only a lack of penetration hindered them from immediately adding to their tally. A flowing move involving ‘the Special Guest’, Ollie Tilney and Weir resulted in Rupert having a five metre run into the line, Tim Walker, taking over from Grant, then kicked the conversion. A tired Bradford Salem side were now visibly suffering in the set piece particularly at the scrum where the appearance of Rupert coupled with Stone and Chris Milligan was causing Bradford all sorts of trouble. Morrison had to give way to Ash Alexander after suffering a shoulder injury, before some great work by the York backs gave Gabriel Adebiyi the opportunity to turn on the speed and head straight under the posts, Walker again adding the extra two points.

The match threatened to boil over at several points but the York discipline held fast and they did not allow themselves to succumb to the Bradford way of playing. After a failed kick for touch by the Salem kicker, the ball found its way to the hands of Bugge, who used his speed, pace and maybe his height to find the many gaps between the Bradford side to go over under the posts, he then drop goaled the conversion to make the score 56-0. The final points were added when good strength by M. James and G. Adebiyi in defense, enabled G. Adebiyi to rip the ball off the opposition flanker and find himself in enough space to run unopposed from 30m out, he also added the conversion.

After a failed attempt at the posts by the Salem fly-half, the match was ended ten minutes from time. York had proven themselves against a much weaker opposition, showing their discipline, cutting edge and class. It means they head into their Roses game on Sunday with a 100% record in the warm up games. Bring on Lancaster.

UYRUFC 1st XV 63 – 0 Bradford Salem 2s


Team vs Bradford Salem

1. James Stone
2. Chris Reid Milligan
3. Special Guest
4. Alexander Redshaw (cpt)
5. Alistar Handy
6. Ash Alexander
7. Sam Morrison
8. Tom Weir
9. Tim Walker
10. Robert Grant
11. Gab Adebiyi
12. William Felgate
13. Michael James
14. Richard Bremner
15. Thomas Bugge

16. Rupert Grant
17. Rory McGregor
18. Ed Drewett
19. Oliver Tilney

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The Roses campaign got off to a winning start as a fast and skilful University side took on a strong and physical local York team. A mixed team made up of both first and second team players saw Matthew Pollen starting at fly-half and he took his chance well making a series of exquisite breaks before finishing outright for the Universities first try, a missed conversion making it 5-0. The university continued in strong form and did not allow a much bigger York side to bully them. After further attacking prowess a fine break allowed Tom Weir to go over between the posts, a late shoulder charge on TW by their 10 only resulted in injurying his own player as Weir squashed him against the posts. The conversion by Tom Bugge made the score 12-0 to York, a great start by a side that hadn’t played for over a month.


Strong interplay by the University continued to put pressure on the York defence and some well executed lines by Will Felgate and Bugge put York in a strong position inside the opposition 22. Tim Walker saw the gap and took it then passing back into the centre for Michael James to score underneath the posts, the conversion somehow missed. Speaking with the kicker after the match he said “I struck the ball correctly, just in the wrong direction…”


Despite strong play by the University forwards with some huge tackles by Alistar Handy and Will Tate, York were allowed back into the match when they went over from close range making the score 17-5. The university were beginning to let their guard down and despite still having a faster and more skilful backline they were unable to give quality ball to the wingers Richard Bremner and Gabriel Adebiyi. A cameo performance from Sam Carr-Archer, on for the hard-working Will Forsythe, was not enough to stop the power of the York forwards. Their superiority in size was allowing them to continually get over the gain line and some weak tackling from the University meant they found themselves conceding another try. The University hit back though when a period of great play saw Arkan go over for a try just before the break making the score 22-10 at half time.


The second half saw the University side make a number of changes with Bugge and Walker off, Sam Morrison on for Tate, Zervakis on for Brian Blessed and Forsythe back on for Redshaw. The second half started brightly for the university as they established some great field position with a host of kicks to the corner, unfortunately lack of accuracy in the lineout meant they found these efforts of territory fruitless. Some great tackling by MJ gave the University a lifeline after excellent play by York, but ill discipline meant the University were unable to sustain any intensity. The University team were being bullied in the scrums and this York superiority was being established in all areas of play as a York backline, seemingly hiding their pace in the first half, went over for a try to make the score 22-15 to the university following a missed conversion. The pace and interplay of York was causing all sorts of trouble for the University and despite strong cover tackling by Guy Holder-Williams and Morrison they were unable to stop York going over for another try, the score now just 22-20 to York. Another York RC score made it 22-27 to the home team and some strong words were exchanged underneath the posts as the University looked to re-establish themselves as the dominant team.


The return of Alexander Redshaw sparked some impetus and urgency into the Universities play as they won a lineout on Yorks 5m line. Redshaw himself then powered over to score. A superb conversion by Tom Morris from the touch line saw the University back into the lead at 29-27. Great effort and endeavour by the entire team saw them mix tenacity in defence with some classy breaks in attack, both Bugge and Ed Drewett putting the York defence under strain. A scrum, the Achilles heel of the university all day, saw UYRUFC with the opportunity to put the ball out and win the game but the ambition of the University saw them opt to the run before a turnover allowed York one last chance of victory. However great defence by the university meant they were able to withstand a last minute push by York. Ultimately a penalty won by the Ash Alexander (a.k.a. “The Dark Lord”) saw UYRUFC able to kick the ball out and hang on for victory. It was an impressive performance by a University side who had not played for six weeks and it put a marker down on a Roses match less than two weeks away. Great win for UYRUFC

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20/04/10

The day starts at an ungodly hour, 6:45am, however expectations of a match against a Saturday League team encourages me to made an English breakfast. Truly splendid food with 3 sausages, bacon, bean beans, a duck fried egg (extra protein in these {man on the street told me that}) and some toast. And of course the protein shake! I might be the next Heston Blumenthal when it comes to protein…

Slightly nervy about the match today due to fact that these guys / old-men are probably heavier, uglier and definitely know all the tricks in the book in terms of making you feel the pain through and through.

Once again the morning and afternoon is spent revising for the exams… although this was made exciting from the fact of the day (found out on one of my numerous breaks from revision). Today is Adolf Hitler’s Birthday… let me go on… this is slightly unfortunate as there is another member of the club with the same birthday. No need to mention names but that fact definitely spanked my balls out the park!

Anyway the time slowly encroaches the 5.15pm meet time… give myself an hour to make some risotto with some chicken left over from the evening before. Leek and mushroom risotto with a breast of chicken (even Jamie Oliver would have been pleased with this one, considering it was from his cook book he should be!)

Late. Only by 10 minutes though. 35 lads wait by the James College cashpoint and there must be about a dozen cars… and out of those dozen cars we all decided to follow Mr Handy Andy. Sense of direction = bad. Avoidance of traffic = bad. Got us there finally = all right I suppose.

As one rightly knowing driver in his little red polo said; “When we started the journey I knew we should of turned left and not right”

Finally, the match. Hard is what I can say. Bodies bruised, joints ache, heads dizzy all in a day’s work for the UYRUFCans who won this tightly fought match till the very end. Heard there may be a match report if the Webmaster gets on it properly. A couple words I would say; Dash got bumped to the amusement of the crowd, Brian made his first break for about 5 years only to screw up his pass, and oh my god where did Bummer get his boots from to kick a conversion from the touchline??

Anyway long day and I got to prepare for the ruggers tomorrow!

Peace out UYRUFC Town,

Scuttlebutt Lad

XoXoX

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19/04/2010

Previous to this it was all about the gym work and getting my passing, tackling and running right for those big moments on the 9th of May. So far I’ve been hitting it hard in the gym and also having the stress of exams on my shoulders (as an additional motivation)… Lancaster University, what bloody idiots for moving Roses into the middle of an exam period. Ah well got to get on with it.

7:30am start in the gym, working on balance and core was the session for the day. An hour and a half session and that’s enough, get the protein onboard and then a full English at the Lloyds seemed like a good idea, only for the practice fire alarm to go off halfway through my breakfast (and it was raining outside). The guy who decided that must of studied at Lancaster, once again stupid timing.

And so, to hit the studies… still have Roses on the mind though. Training for the past 3-4 weeks in hardcore preparation for the big game I suddenly feel the butterflies in my stomach as 4pm approaches. The 5 minute run was the rumour of the day, typical style of the captain, making the squad do a huge exercise day before a practice game, good thing there aren’t any mountains near here… As some say “Pain is Weakness leaving the body”.

4pm Roses training begins. A good turn out considering University hasn’t even started yet, must have been at least 40 of the boys around, and most are arriving tomorrow. The Hut and Wall-e still has the ginger hair that they got on tour and WP thought he could get away with dying his hair back, but that backfired as he now looks like one of those Grundgers that you find down in Tufnell Park at the Dome with that silly dyed hair! Anyway back to the training…

A great relief to begin with as el captaino declares that we aren’t doing the 5 min run due to the match tomorrow. Great news, didn’t feel like the run would be a good start to the week! Some touch rugby to begin with, and then the warm-up. Alec is preparing the training sess in his brightly red coloured fleece and immediately complains of the length of time he has had off over Easter, “Now none of you talk about the Easter Holidays with me, I had Easter Sunday and Easter Monday off and that’s it!”. Sorry Alec, just seeing if your holidays were ok…

Immediately into a handling drill, slightly rusty but soon cleaned up. The only problem was that some of the boys found following the correct ball a hassle as they were coming in from all directions.

To finish up with we split up into Forwards and Backs. With some hard graft we were soon back into the rhythm again. Now to shower up and get some munch on, chicken and egg fry rice was the menu for the evening. Great munch.

End of the day and the week has begun well with not injuries in sight. The club would like to wish the rest of the boys good luck getting back to York from abroad, rumours has it that some are travelling all over Africa to get back via Morocco, then Greece and then a ferry to Sunderland… while others are just enjoying France and waiting for the next plane… however we all hope you make it in time for Roses, damn acts of God.

On another note tomorrow we are playing against York City 2nd Team so if you fancy watching an evening game that kicks of at 7pm come along to Clifton Park Shipton Road York Yorkshire YO30 5RE. The team playing is;

1. Luke Braizer
2. Ash Alexander
3. Chris Reid Meilligan
4. Alex Redshaw
5. Will Forsythe
6. Alistar Handy
7. Will Tate
8. Tom Weir
9. Tim Walker
10. James Mortimer
11. Richard Bremner
12. Will Felgate
13. Michael James
14. Gabriel A.
15. Thomas Bugge
16. Sam Carr-Archer
17. Guy Holder-Williams
18. Sam Morrison
19. Rishi
20. Adam Wood
21. Will Peters
22. Ed Drewett
23. Matt Pollen
24. Pete Terraga
25. Ben Turner
26. Tim Murris

Your Truely

Scuttlebutt Lad

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In the interest of not breaking from centuries old tour tradition, tarnishing upstanding clubmen’s reputations, or giving Vision cause to write another damning article of club antics, I am afraid this report cannot give away too many secrets.

As a quick note, there was an immediate injury before tour began, with the loss of “Know your Role”, who was un-able to attend his 30th rugby tour due to an unfortunate accident requiring ‘key-hole in the door’ surgery. However, we have heard that the operation was successful and the touring party were able to find a somewhat rather novice tourist to fulfill his role.

So let us continue… outlined here are a few memories from our time spent on tour this year:

Needless to say UYRUFC’s touring party arrived at their destination midday on Sunday 28^th March…they arrived, they indulged, they conquered…

As in any conflict there were casualties along the way…

Tour began with an eminent start in the Airport… the old guard made a fashionably late entrance allowing for the commencement of fresher fitness, with the “PT Instructor”, at 5:30am on the Sunday morning, entertaining the zombie-like crowd of the airport with some beastings til check-in.

The UYRUFCans carried on their way, passing all security procedures with their infamous funnel mounted on the shoulders of “It’s Dead”, and tour freshman running through the airport, having not been allowed to use the escalators by the decree of ‘OG’. “Tour Jester” was already filling his role sublimly, being his usual entertaining self, and the “Sacrificial Lamb” had arrived looking smart as ever, dressed in his traditional pin-striped suit trousers and sporting an already busted lip from the previous evenings revelry.

On arrival to our destination and after a quick bout of Fresher fitness (with the first injury of tour that “left” Dexter unable to participate in any more sports for the remainder of the trip), the UYRUFCans embarked on the hour and a half journey to the holy land.

As is customary in all good epics, the luck of the Gods was on their side, with a singular Portsmouth Netballer finding herself on the same coach as the tourists. In true UYRUFC style a fun bus was instigated; highlighted with an excellent sexinory from tour narrator “Dare Monkey Junior”, and several renditions of the UYRUFC Tour Hymn Book (available at any good book store) led by the “Choirmaster”.

On arrival to the Hotel there were already several casualties of the journey so far and “Old Guard” had to put those to bed. There was a winner on the fun bus however, and that came in the unlikely form of a shady plank of wood otherwise known as ‘The Hut’ – “Sacrificial Lamb”. Our unfortunate Portsmouth netballer found herself the judge of a tour-fresher blind date competition; although woed by “Know your Role”, “Fag1″ and “Robot Fag”, ‘The Hut” came out as the unexpected, yet unanimous winner!

With half the club in bed recovering from battle, it did not take long for the acute nose of “Dexter” to lead those able to a local watering hole. A quick recovery and soon fun was being had by all. By the evening the club had finished with the tradition of Kangaroo Court, where the tour snitch had wreaked havoc, with all the lads in full swing. Headed into town UYRUFC continued to ignore all females and focus on the much more important tasks of fun and lash.

By the first evening many of UYRUFC looked as though they were to be defeated, but with iron will and determination the rugby club prevailed. The real casualty of this evening came later this night, as one clubmen was making passionate music with his banjo of love in our very smart 3* hotel…. for the more squeamish amongst you skip to the next paragraph…. the poor chap had the misfortune of snapping his banjo string! Rest assured, he had the sense of mind to blame the maid and throw her out of the room before showing any signs of weakness!

The sun rose early, banishing the haze of the previous night’s battle, and day two commenced. Friday was a rugby day. Carrying a few injuries from both the 1^st and 2^nd XV, who won their respective leagues, not all 24 members of the touring group were fit to play. Nevertheless, the lads put in a sterling effort and after not losing a game in the group stages found their way into the quarter finals! Here things started to get a little bit more serious and certain players such as “Peeping Tom”, “Grand Lancenist”, “Next Question?” (who shouldn’t have been playing) and even “Know Your Role” amongst others stepped up & really showed their class. UYRUFC ended the day as runners up, delivering “Old Guard” the silverwear he had demanded at the start of the day.

Unfortunately UYRUFC’s total domination of rugby came at a price, in the form of a relatively expendable “Robot Fag”! In all honesty this incident did slightly tarnish the day as he was concussed in a totally unnecessary and very late tackle from a Nottingham Trent 1^st XV flanker. However, the fag in question recovered admirably and continued his tour role with due haste.

It was also on the second day that UYRUFC became fully aware that “Beatbox” could not in fact sing, affirming his place in history as one of the worst human beat-boxes ever! The post match report was conducted in the club’s favourite establishment in this quaint town; the fishbowl.

Another successful court was run by “King of Tour”, “Lord of the Fag’s”, and “Senior Dare Monkey”, and the club again stood out as they left the hotel with all tour fresher’s dressed as babies and all senior tourists as their mothers.

The third day again saw the club return to their favourite watering hole outside of York and once sufficiently topped up they headed to a very convenient Uncle Sam’s diner. Much frivolity was had upon the beach as the boys tanned up, jocked around and watched “Robot Fag” & ”A.McQueen” entertain the gang with a spectacle of successive back flips. It was then business as usual as the bronzed UYRUFCans returned to find their wiser colleagues such as “Dexter” & “Choirmaster” making full use of the hotel facilities. Once “PT Instructor” deemed enough had been had by all, he announced the commencement of Fresher Olympics.

Fresher Olympic Results:

Long Jump: 1st “A.McQu3en”, 2nd “Tour Mascot”, 3rd “Masterchef”

Triathlon: 1st “Robot Fag”, 2nd ”A.McQu3en”, 3rd “Masterchef”

Belly Flops: 1st “Bomb Disposal”, 2nd “Dare Monkey Junior”, 3rd “Know Your Role”

Relay: 1st “A.McQu3en” & “Tour Mascot”, 2nd “Masterchef” & “Fag1″ , 3rd “Dare Monkey Junior” & “PT Instructor”, 4th “Robot Fag” & “Know Your Role”

DNF “Tour Jester” & “Sacrificial Lamb”, “Bomb Disposal” & “Beatbox”  -  ”Choirmaster” can explain the reasonings behind why these teams were unable to finish the last leg…

The club were also never short of a pectoral workout with “Grand Larcenist” snooping around enquiring whose pot of tea it was in front of him and then when hearing the required answer m-i-n-e, demanding his ten press-ups.

This afternoon also saw three Freshers have their hair bleached and another Fresher duck-taped to a chair and temporarily abandoned inside the bar while the rest of the club enjoyed the poolside sun. Others, such as “Rapier”, instead chose to bench-press every person in sight for the entire duration. Another fine supper was provided by the hotel staff and “It’s Dead!” showed his appreciation by imprinting his face into a large heart shaped pudding. Unfortunately the staff failed to acknowledge this ‘high-brow’ banter and kindly requested our leave.

Court was fun once again, with “Tour Jester” letting rip; one 3^rd year tourist being smeared in chocolate spread, all Tour Frehsers being egged by all non-Freshers who were provided with half-a dozen eggs each,  ”Bomb Disposal” having to cover himself head to toe in sausage paste, and “Beatbox” understanding that he may be sour but he damn well knows how to finish a lemon.

Returning again to the Fishbowl we found a group of Cardiff lads being heckled from afar, and recognising one of their songs, ‘Father Abraham’, we assisted them in song and soon had the entire bar at our disposal. Indeed when we realised they also knew ‘Chicago’, we entered into a forty minute chant in unison. Having also discovered “Masterchef’s” bizarre love of potassium and ability to eat a banana in sub-two seconds, it was on this night that he fully cemented his position, in the wake of Gorilla’s departure last year, as the new leader of the ‘Banana’ song.

It was then onto the biggest institue of the week, starting off with thirty minute bus journey. As one bus of partygoers soon realised, you antagonise UYRUFCans at your own folly, and it was not long before 12 clubmen had an entire bus looking at them in awe as they sang and danced to the tunes of ‘Hi, my name is Jim’, and ‘there are four on the back seat of the bus’….. The Institue in question consisted of an enormous series of bistros, surrounding a huge warehouse with a 5,000 capacity. A few clubmen didn’t make it to the aforementioned paradise, but I am reliably informed they did the club proud and made full use of the fact that Burger King in Spain serves all the correct beverages!

Tour was by now taking its toll and most clubmen didn’t emerge from their rooms until after midday. An epic game of corridor cricket soon commenced and a few less sporting clubmen headed over to the fishbowl ! The club soon regrouped and congregated back at the hotel facility. “Dancemaster” found three women to judge a game of man-oh-man in which he set forth the rules and the female panel decided who was least worthy each time by pushing their least favourite fresher into the pool. Combining whit, intellect and charm, a number of the freshmen fell short. However, one Fresher was unbelievably “excited” and seemed totally incapable of staying clothed at all, and when asked, like the rest of the club to show six different poses, he got rapturous applause from his fellow clubmen as he demonstrated six different calf positions. It was on this occasion that sed clubmen did indeed show us ‘everything!’

Man-oh-Man Events:

Participants: “Know Your Role”, “Beatbox”, “Dare Monkey Junior”, “Fag1″, “RoboFag”, “Masterchef”, “Sacrificial”, “A.McQu3en”, “Tour Mascot”, “Tour Jester”

Party Trick:

Losers:”RoboFag” (retired), “Dare Monkey Junior”, “Tour Mascot”

5 Poses:

Losers: “Sacrificial Lamb”, “Fag1″ (although Fag 1 was a consistant contestant throughout)

Sing Us a Song:

Losers: “A McQu3en”, “Beatbox”, “Tour Jester”

Winners:

“Know Your Role”, “Masterchef”

Loser:

Portsmouth Netball – thrown in Pool.

“Dare Monkey Senior” provided the club with clothes for the forth and final night, consisting of sheets of different coloured cloth signifying four different tribes. Every group had to come up with a song, a story of their background and a special talent. The ‘mauchivit’ warriors proved the most worthy and the final court topped all previous courts. The “The Hoff” was forced to skip revealing more than a little flesh to the delight of all those watching, “Masterchef” sampled dog food, fresher’s had a 3-foot salami fight, and pickled eggs were greedily gobbled up.

The final night didn’t let the tourists down in expectation in the slightiest. Peeping Tom in his usual fashion made a nuisance of himself snooping around the club and managed to conjure up some bizarre camera angles, (his biggest contribution towards Tour however most certainly came in his passionate love of fun). The great events that night were things such The “Shopping Trolley” a club favourite, “The Shark” not so much a dance favourite, a clubmen eating a bank card, and almost all clubmen eating some denomination of what was assumed fake money from the Monopoly game we had played earlier that day.

The record should also acknowledge that “Sacrificial Lamb”, having burst his lip the day before tour, had to consume absolutely everything through a straw (through choice not tour role), “A.McQu3en” spent the entire tour in a three piece suit and “It’s Dead” (in his tour role) had to consume absolutely EVERY beverage in one.

On a final note of tour, without hearing of any 3^rd year tourists doing a masters or the Oldest of the Old staying on for a fifth year, Tour 2011 shall include a hunt for the next years wisest man of Tour. Two serious contenders emerged: “Dare monkey Senior” who was at all times wise and led a brilliant tour, & “Man Summers” who proved to quickly work out all the logistics of the town and was able to lead bands of totally confused clubmen to their required locations. “Man Summers” having brought along a useful array of non-rugby sporting equipment and was also heard to be dispensing immensely wise words of wisdom – at time people wondered whether it was the Oldest of the Old talking himself.

In the coming months, as both these gentlemen mature into 3^rd year clubmen the real test will be to see who spends the most time with the Oldest of Guard’s and so learns that your ‘calves ache due to flip-flop wearing’ or that in answer to “why does your clock read two hours ahead of his this-one” – ‘because where we are going, they are an hour ahead, as for the other hour; you still have not updated your watch to daylight savings time’. Spend enough time with him and they may even learn to recount some of his tales dating back as far as the 1920’s when he was working on a farm in Australia. A gripping contest, but only time will bear fruit to the wiser!

Finally a word of thanks to “Dare Monkey Senior” who ensured that the entire operation ticked along smoothly, he was a calming influence at times, ensuring we were not ejected from the hotel, and at other times let out the inner animal within. On behalf of all of the clubmen who went along ‘Congratulations Tour Sec’!

Tour Fresher 2010: (To be announced at tour re-enactment social, ballot was decided on the plane but rapturous applause decided to be delivered at 1331).

Tour icon 2010: “Choirmaster” – he loved every moment of Tour & received punishments with as much glee as he handed them out!

Best kept Tour Role: “It’s Dead” didn’t break from his tour role across the four day period & ensured everything was seen off in one.

Worst Kept Tour Role: “Bomb Disposal Unit” – other clubmen had to, at times, intervene to remove unwanted onlookers, as the chosen bomb disposal unit was either not around or too nice.

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